559 My partners are making life decisions without me

How to cope when your partners buy a house and consider adopting a teenager with little to no input from you.
0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Host chat
Thanks toMiss Fisher Con 2018 for hosting us. You should sign up for next year’s mailing list!
Listen to episode 558 to find out more about our sex-positive panel at Miss Fisher Con 2018 and more about the event itself.
2:00 My partners are making life decisions without me
A listener wrote in to ask what to do. He is a queer male in a quad. Seven years ago, he and his partner T moved to be in the same city as W and E. They had talked off and on about cohabitation, and recently W and E decided to get a bigger house that would accommodate the four of them. W and E decided on budget and location and showed their final choice to our letter writer and his partner, which left him feeling excluded from the decision-making process. Later on, he asked about some jokes W and E were making, and it turns out they were considering adopting a teenager, which until recently would have been a deal-breaker for him. He shut down and curled into a ball. He wants to confront them, but he fears losing the relationship.
It’s helpful not to think of this as a confrontation but instead a transparency session where everyone gets to say what they think and feel in a safe space.
Focus on behaviors, not on assumptions about what those behaviors might mean. When you were bothered by your perception that W and E thought that the final home tour would be sufficient, own that you are talking about perceptions instead of actual communication.
Own your own sh*t and ask for what you want. You never indicated that you actually told them how and when or even that you wanted to be involved in the home-buying process—it’s your job to ask for that participation in so many words.
Assume goodwill all around. If you haven’t specified what you want, it’s best to assume others’ intentions are good.
This is a great time to begin the habit of full disclosure. Communicate early and often. State expectations expressly instead of keeping them to yourself.
16:30 Happy Poly Moment
Alan writes in about trying poly because his wife wanted to date an old college boyfriend. He found a special friend at a poly event and they spent a lovely weekend together during which he got to meet his metamours and had a fun poly family experience.
18:30 Thank you!
Welcome to Tara, Christopher, Katherine, Nicola, Kerry, Elizabeth, Tony, and Heidi as new Poly Weekly Playmates!
19:00 How to make this podcast better
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