For so long, I lived my life answering other people’s definition of happiness. What was I left with? A life that didn’t feel true to me or what I really wanted for myself. But the truth was: I didn’t know what I wanted for myself.In this episode, I talk about how we can find who we truly are and what paths are right for us. Yep, this one is all about finding yourself. It had been a few days since my father flew back to Miami leaving me alone in this strange place known as Los Angeles. I remember looking around at my new living situation, which was basically shacking up with one of my dearest friends in her studio apartment, and thinking to myself, “Where are all the adults?”I had spent a few days just lounging around with other 20-something-year-olds, talking like adults, eating what we pleased, and doing what we felt was right. It was absolutely nuts to me.You see, although I was 22 years old — a whole four years past the age of what Americans consider a legal adult — I didn’t quite feel independent. It was strange for me to be able to speak, dress, think, and well, be whoever I was without the opinion of an “adult.” It felt weird. It felt lonely. But overall, it felt like freedom.For so many years, I defined myself as what other people told me I was. Like most children, I looked to my parents to validate who I was. I looked to them for a clue of who I was in the world. As I began to socialize, I also began to depend on my friends to define me. And then there were the opinions of boyfriends, teachers, employers, and so on. When I thought of who I was, I would think about who people told me I was. And that was me.When I moved to California, my entire perception of myself began to change. As the days passed by, I started to realize I was doing everything on my own terms. There was no one near me who was going to tell me otherwise. My parents, family, and friends were thousands of miles away from me. Meaning, I could be whoever I wanted to be — without judgments, without criticisms, and without expectations of those I surrounded myself with most. It was a pretty liberating experience.In high school and college, I always thought of myself as someone who needed the last word, someone who needed to be heard. My family and friends saw me as this person, too. You might even have considered me high-strung when around certain people.So you can imagine my surprise when I realized I really wasn’t that person after all. On the contrary, I’m actually a very peaceful, compassionate, laid-back person. In simple terms: I’m pretty chill.The only way I was able to learn this about myself was by living my life on my own terms. When I started to live a life that felt true to me, I lost the need to argue, yell, or have the last word. Why? Because the person I needed to be heard by the most was me. And I was finally listening.Looking back, that high-strung person was just me mirroring some people around me. And it was also me trying to fight for freedom—something that was given to me at birth, yet I thought I had to struggle for it. Once I found deliverance, I lost the desire to demand respect, because I finally allowed myself to be respected.A lot of the times, we can get stuck in the pictures people hold of us. Perhaps you were the rowdy kid growing up and your mom still sees you that way? Or maybe you jumped from project to project as a young adult? Those moments in time do not matter. Every day, every minute, every second is an opportunity to reinvent ourselves — an opportunity to be the person we truly want to be. We always have the choice.And know that we don’t all need a big move to become independent of others. Divorcing ourselves from the judgments and beliefs of others can be accomplished anywhere. Once you stop listening to and believing the opinions of others is when the incredible, amazing you will come out to play. And I’ll bet you, she’s way cooler than that other girl you’re trying to be or hold on to.At times, it may seem as though we do not have the choice only because the people around us tend to remind us of who we were in the past. It’s as if they snapped a photo of us during a not-so-great time and they continue to hold it in their pocket. If we ever get out of line and do our best to be something greater, they’ll whip out the photo and remind us of who we once were.There is no reason to be ashamed of who we once were. And there’s also no reason to feel tied down to our past selves. If you continue to do this work, the work of looking within, your level of awareness will continue to elevate. And as your understanding of the world widens, your understanding of yourself will also expand, causing shifts in your everyday life.You are constantly evolving and changing. Just because someone sees you a certain way doesn’t mean you need to be a certain way. Your actions define who you are at the moment. And you control your actions. Show those who hold pictures of you who you are today.My younger brother was one who would sleep in a lot. One day, I made a comment in reference to his “immature” sleeping patterns. To my surprise, he looked at me calmly and said, “Actually, Nik, I don’t really sleep in anymore. I worked hard to change that about myself.”I was holding a picture of him. He could have listened to what I said, accepted it as truth, and allowed his actions to follow suit. But instead, he reminded me of the photo I was holding of him. This kid has courage, and I like it!People will undoubtedly hold photos of you, even if they don’t mean to. It is your responsibility to see yourself for who you are today. Maybe you feel really good about yourself while at work or around a certain friend. Why is that? Who are you when you’re in that environment?Who are you besides being your mother’s daughter? Who are you other than being your boyfriend’s girlfriend? Who are you other than being a sister in your sorority? If you can’t answer the above questions then go do the research. I promise you it will be the most fulfilling project you’ll ever take on.Start of by making everyday decisions based off what you really feel inside. From the mundane decisions like what are you going to eat for dinner to deciding who you want to surround yourself with. I discovered that I didn’t really care to eat red meat and that I wanted to be around people who had really big dreams for themselves.As you go through this chapter, allow yourself the permission to be whoever it is you want to be — even if you’ve never been that person or don’t know where to start. Imagine your life as a blank canvas. What would you draw? Make your own picture and live it.
Comentarios