This week’s guest is Danielle Dillard, an intuitive empowerment coach and yogi, and we are discussing how to let go of unhelpful attachments, rely on your own internal guidance system, and (my favourite) get into alignment!
Danielle shares her story of going from one relationship to the next, always relying on hand-holding. She realised she did not knowing how to dream for herself, and speaks about how she broke free of this cycle and learned to listen, and trust, the voice from within.
In doing so she released lots of unhealthy attachments, and discovered an array of tools that help her to get into alignment with herself, and her purpose, many of which she shares in this episode for you to try.
You’ll love this episode if:
You find yourself caught in repeating patterns and cycles in your relationships that don’t serve you;
You want to develop your intuition and gain greater self-awareness;
You want to know learn how Danielle gets into alignment.
Time Stamped Notes
3:57 Danielle has just turned 29 years old, she discusses how for the last decade she was always holding a someone’s hand, be it family, college and thereafter a cycle of boyfriends. She realised she had not been alone for more than 6 months.
When she was in these relationship cycles, she found that she wasn’t relying on own guidance system; she was always dreaming with – and thinking about – the other person.
6:25 In her life, romantic relationships have always flowed. She has found that she connects with people and moves easily from one relationship to the next. As her awareness developed, she came to the realization that being with people has hurt her and after all of these cycles of relationships, her friends were advising her to be alone.
8:06 Danielle dives into how her journey unfolded to a spiritual path.
It began form a relationship she had where she lived with her boyfriend of 4 years. They had dogs, he owned a house, and the relationship ended. She realized that she was out of alignment with who she really was.
She kept going with the motions and flow so it felt natural to her to be with someone. In the moments where she was single, she caught glimpses where she connected back to herself, however being in alignment wasn’t her foundation, and it didn’t have any consistency.
Now, she’s found herself, she’s truly deep and grounded within herself when for so long she was searching.
11:57 One of the relationships she was in created an environment where the cycle of hand-holding began to shift, it created a contrast and brought up great resistance in Danielle. She found herself having 60-70 hours a week to herself, and for the first time felt a sense of freedom with herself.
She got really quiet with herself, and limited distraction and noise. She started listening to a lot of podcasts on how people are living her life and came across the book “Untethered Soul,” by Michael Singer. It was reading this book that helped her anxiety, and launched her on a spiritual journey that reconnected her with herself.
15:07 Through “The Untethered Soul” she began to realize that who she was searching for was to find personal meaning in other people and things outside herself. Now she has developed a level of consciousness that allows her to witness her life, and realise who is her true self, and who is her ego self.
When she wakes up in the morning, she focuses on stepping into her true self and sets an intention to walk through life as her true self.
20:18 The attachments were to other humans and to her phone, meat, coffee, alcohol and even Netflix. She remembers avoiding conversations and watched Netflix in her last relationship. She was looking for things outside herself, buffering with attachments to fill the void.
Because she was so wrapped up in doing, she didn’t know how to be alone with herself. Now she has learnt to sit with her emotions and just be, and has learnt not to seek refuge outside of herself.
24:25 Danielle’s foundation is one of alignment in peace, love and flow. There are moments, or glimpses, of her “dark side,” where she is aware of her anxiety and ego, but she doesn’t resist the darkness, and easily floats back to the light. By allowing this side of herself, it leaves her more quickly and easily than ever has.
Meditation and journaling are the number one mindfulness tools that helped her in the beginning, and continue to do so. They bring her back into her heart, and back into herself. She believes that anything that connects her to herself is the path she needs to take.
33:26 Danielle learnt some lessons around love and how she loved people. She became aware that she was really good letting go and accept them other as they are, but only from afar. She is now practicing unconditional love, and being present in her love.
A healer told her that until she cleared her energy field, she would continue attracting the same cycles. She was receiving a lot of lessons and now it was time for her to just be alone and clear her energy fields, solely focusing on herself an her own dreams.
42:40 Our thoughts create our feelings, which drive our actions and create our results. It all starts with our thoughts. First step is always awareness – curiosity and not judgment. It takes strength to change your thoughts. Awareness develops to choose new thoughts.
Start to be aware of what you want to change, and accept where you are. Sit in the space of truth first and realize you had such a hand in creating your reality. Then allow yourself to move forward with that new-found awareness and acceptance.
46:47 A way to understand your thoughts is through the “Thought Download Activity.” This is derived from that Darlene Manini “Emotional Tool Kit,”- all emotions fall under four main emotions, anxiety, sadness, anger and happiness.
The steps are:
Do a thought download (notice without judgment and just curiosity);
Pick one thought to work through;
Grab that thought and ask yourself how do I feel when I think this through and then name that feeling in your journal.
Identify the message of your emotion.
Take action to solve or cope in a healthy way.
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