Welcome to today’s episode of the Curiously Podcast! We are talking today about courage: how can we move forward when fear comes up, rather than constantly trying to fight it? Kate discusses the science, and psychology behind building courageous habits, and why it’s likely that our current approach to change is not effective over a long period of time.
Kate discusses the power labeling ourselves has over our beliefs and behaviours, for example associating with the label “mother” is tied to our cultural conditioning, our upbringing and all the resulting beliefs. We question, what would life look like if we dropped the association with the label?
We then dive into Kate’s four step process to take action in spite of our fear so we can build a courageous life. Not only is it simple to follow, but almost any challenge or difficulty that comes up only takes you to an early step within the process, so you always have a firm footing, even in the most challenging situations when emotions and fear levels are high.
If you’re anything like me, it’s likely that you tend to focus on the least efficacious part of the courage building process in order to change deeply entrenched habits, Kate explains how to shift this, and the kind of results you can experience when you do so.
This episode is perfect for you if you:
You are waiting, waiting, waiting for the fear to go away before you take action on something you deeply want to do. But realise, wow, I could be waiting forever!
Wish you could feel braver to stand up to someone, put in boundaries, or start a new way of life that doesn’t feel right for you just yet. Kate will show you how to manage this process from start to finish.
Time-stamped Show Notes
03:53 Kate’s writer’s block was causing fear and writer’s block, this led Kate realise there is a huge body of research on courageous habits, and the psychology of courage.
08:14 Fear is a normal human emotion, we cannot be fearless, we can only develop a process when it arises to handle it, and take action anyway.
11:31 Survival fear versus feeling like you’re not enough, bowing to expectations and people pleasing, and talking yourself out of your dreams.
14:48 We create our realities by labeling ourselves i.e. I’m a mother, which is affected by cultural conditioning of “mother” and the fear that brings along with it aggravates our survival instinct [unique value point].
18:18 How habit formation works in the brain, and how our year-in-year-out problems tend to be habit based. [unique value point].
23:14 The courage habit, there are four critical habits that people can use to lead a more courageous life, and what it means to have a courageous life [unique value point]
25:04 How to put the four critical habits into practice, how fighting our fear is counterproductive, and how your fear is your best friend with terrible communication.
31:32 Reframing limiting stories that we have habitually created through fear. We spend our lives trying to reduce stress rather than pursuing our dreams.
36:15 People usually try to change the cue or create the lure of a reward, but actually research shows that changing the routine is the part of being courageous is the most effective for changing behaviour.
40:16 What to do when resistance comes up to forming courageous habits, and the importance of building community.
49:07 How to deal with changes that will happen in your life when you start to become more courageous [hint: by now, you’ll know it already!].
56:47 Believe in the power of 5 minutes.
Key Take Homes
Fear is always going to be around. You will never NOT have fear. The key is to have the right processes in place to handle fear when it comes up, and take action anyway.
Fear is not logical, its sole purpose is to try to keep you alive, so you may find when your inner critic gets involved when fear comes up it can be pretty harsh! The first step is to always drop into our body first and observe the sensations, emotions and thoughts that come up without attachment.
People tend to try to change the cue when shifting their habits, for example, if trying to get fitter we may look at fitness magazines for inspiration, far more powerful is to change the routine in between in order to shift the behaviour to achieve the desired result.
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